CatDonna's Cats

*That's 3.3 lbs for those who are not fans of the Metrix.

1. Forget breakfast. Put on running gear.
2. Forget water. Leave the house.
3. Go for a run at your nearest nature reserve. Try to run for about 90 minutes.
4. Wonder why you feel like Weak Thirsty Death Warmed Over.
5. Go home and decide that you just need some food to feel less crappy. Eat toast with scrambled eggs and three-day-old salmon from the fridge that you reheated halfway, then thought what the heck.
6. Get a fever. Your temp should rise in a couple hours. When you start feeling really bad, start doing work to take your mind off it.
7. In about three hours, the salmon will start doin' the jiggy. Be warned: the resulting butt purge is about as close to a hazardous liquid explosion as most of us (not otherwise skilled in biochemical warfare) will ever get.


Baby Pip demonstrates how when you gotta go,
you just gotta go

Do not, do NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCE stubbornly wiggle your bursting bottom on the chair saying "Hang on CatDonna just finish this up and you can go, oww oww just a while more hurryyyyyyyyyy..... OMIGOD MY SHORTS ARE WET".

Hypothetically speaking.

Lalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaa.

CatDonna

**********

ps - Because of my state of delirious dehydration (oh and I didn't sleep last night cos I was so excited) I have decided to put up a pic of my current Favourite Boy (TM)!


Clue 1: He's Japanese.

Who wouldn't love a face like that? Especially when the parting in his hair and his slightly peeved expression remind me of Baby Doe:


Awwwwwwwwww

Anyway. Leave a comment and tell me who this guy is, and which well-known movie(s) he was in - and you get a prize!
No seriously! I mean it! Just like the other time when I meant it too but NOBODY, absolutely frickin' NOBODY wanted my prizes cos they thought I was gonna burn their houses down or molest their cats or something WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *bursts into uncontrollable weeping*

Okay, I'm serious. (Why did I just start giggling?)
PRIZES, people.
Like this. Only the winner was too shy/humiliated by association with me to admit it was actually a prize THAT'S RIGHT A PRIIIZZZZEE from my earlier little contest.
Heh heh heh!

pps - My husband says I always like the ugly boys. Even in my state of d. d. I know that's not a smart thing to say.

ppps - Breaking out in cold sweat, why???

pppps - This contest ends Friday 8 June. I shall give more clues every couple days, along with short kitty posts, I promise.

ppppps - No really, I'm serious. God.

That's me!

++ Here are the rules:Each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. Cats who are tagged need to write on their own blog about the seven things and the rules. You need to choose seven cats to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment that they have been tagged and to read your blog! ++

Tagged by Five Cat Style. Here we go:

1. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CHIHUAHUA, OMG.
A couple weeks before the woman rescued newborn me and my brother, she already had her heart set on adopting a couple little dogs. She was thinking of chihuahuas, papillons or pekes (you'll be amazed what pedigrees are up for adoption, she says).


30 May 2005: Two weeks with newborn kittens fighting for the bottle,
and the kitchen is a disaster area

She never owned cats all her life (previous fostering doesn't count 'cause it's only temporary), didn't actually know very much about them, and honestly didn't want them. Being the crass tasteless peasant that she is, CatDonna preferred dogs.

And she was going to name them Pip and Doe.


Guess who got the doggy names instead

Oh, the humiliation.
Woman, you should have gone all the way and called us Spot and Rover, yeah?

2. I FOOLED 'EM INTO THINKING I WAS A GOOD KITTY.



At about four weeks


For the first twenty-four hours after my rescue, anyway.
We were barely two weeks old. My eyes (and Doe's) were sealed shut and bulging with the pus from the severe cat flu we were suffering, and we were struggling to breathe due to the fluid in our congested lungs. Plus it was no fun tied up in the plastic bag where the woman found us.

It was 3 am and the woman couldn't get any KMR or vet care till 9 am - she didn't sleep that night trying to keep us alive and comfortable (LOLOLOLOL!!!!!).

Doe kept making these strange gurgling sounds and trying to nuzzle up to the woman's hands (I'm POSITIVE he was crying but the pussy denies everything now). I kept very quiet and stayed in a corner of the cardboard box where she put us up for the night.

It was then that the stupid woman erroneously assumed that Doe was the outgoing one and I was the shy, quiet one. Har har har.

The next day we went to the vet and got cleaned up and medicated. Which I absolutely hated.
So I opened my little mouth,
SHRIEKED like a demon,
wildly bit, headbutted and wriggled my way out of the vet's grip, and once I dropped onto the examination table I started
crawling frantically on my belly to destinations unknown and to
FREEDOM, screaming all the way.
(This despite being blind, slowly drowning in my own mucus and barely able to walk on two-week-old legs.)

And I haven't stopped being a shrieky, wriggly, escape-artisty little pain in the a** since.



Still cute as heck though, nyah nyah nyah!

Point 2 is really long so the rest will be short. Don't worry.

3. I HATE EVERYKITTY IN THIS HOUSE.
I make it very clear to everyone that the woman should have stopped rescuing/fostering cats after she decided to keep me (and fine, maybe Doe. Just maybe.)


Since Lucie likes being trashed so much, why not dump her?
What? I'm just saying...

The I is obviously meant for a single-cat household.

I don't bond with anykitty here. I fight with everyone.
My only "friend" is the woman. And I still attack her once in a while.
It's so fun. Ha ha HA!!!!!

4. I HATE THE SOUND OF SNEEZING.
It's such a stupid noise, it's wet, and I always think one day someone's head is gonna explode, judging from the looks on their faces when they let one rip.

When it does happen, I never fail to make my displeasure clear.

Btw why were there so few comments on my last post? Can someone tell me WHY? Huh? What, you don't like it when I blog? Even my previous masterpiece didn't score so well, but when the woman whines about her disgustingness you ALL are so nice to her!

Coddangit!!! If you don't like me just say so, horrid readers, I prolly HATE YOU TOO!!! Fine!!! This will be my LAST POST FURREVER and EVER halleLOOYAHHH AY-MEOWN okay, GOOD RIDDANCE DAMMIT, you NASTY ANNOYING SNOBBISHoooh, head skritchies.
Nice. Purrrrr. Purrrrr.
Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

5. THE WOMAN SAYS MY MOOD SWINGS ARE CRAZY SCARY.
I don't know why she says that.

Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

6. I LOVE TOOTHPASTE.
When the woman brushes her teeth I'm always somewhere near; then I jump up, cling onto her nightie with three legs and madly swing a convenient front paw (usually my left) in the direction of the toothbrush.
Success is when I manage to steal a tiny lick of tootpaste despite the woman fighting me off and recently, keeping me locked away when she brushes her teeth.
So if you ever meet the woman and notice little scratches down her collarbone towards her chest, you now know why.

7. I HAD A FUNNY CONDITION THAT MADE ME COME ON HEAT VERY FREQUENTLY.
Like every two weeks or so. I think the woman cancelled three sterilisation appointments because of this thingy. Apparently it's not so safe for me to be neutered when I'm on heat.

Regular/Long-time readers will know what happened next.
Life has this way of kicking your butt sometimes, hey?
Like they say, you are only as strong as your weakest link.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Click for pix!)

I do wonder how Hazel and Fiver are doing, sometimes.
The woman might go a-visiting soon.

I'm not sure who's received this meme already so I'm gonna leave it open.
If you want to be tagged by someone as exquisite as the Mine Self, let the secretary know and she will dispatch a dictated comment from the I at the soonest opportunity.

Pipperina Princess

Sorry for the silence.

The flu took over a week to clear up and this week is Mid Year Exams for the colleges, so the kids I tutor needed some extra attention.

Anyway am back! Thank you everyone for your concern.

and higher than before.

Trooping off to the doctor after work today.

At least I'm not in real pain. Just aching.

Riiiiight, I'm not making sense. Bye.

Just now while trimming her ridiculously long claws,

Pip punched my face

She aimed a sharp jab at my jaw with her right paw, sharp claws all out (I was trimming her left paw).
It was a punch. Not a swipe or a shove.
Pip clearly meant to hit me - not to push me away and escape, as most cats would do.

KaPowww

Now there's a long scratch running from my mouth, along my jaw, courtesy of the P. Princess.
Great, am ugly/ier.

**********

Gosh, I'm getting real sleepy.
Was doing a bit of work just now and it's amazing how fast I get out of breath when I'm ill.
Foof.

Lucie performs an interpretive mime of how I feel right now
(That's Lucie [front] and Boonie [back] for readers new to this blog)

I think I'm sick.

Ran a fever yesterday and my head is stuffed with disgusting technicolour yucky mucus phlegm... things.

No fever today, we'll see how this goes.
I do actually feel better than yesterday, though, so that's a good thing.


Things are looking up, hey Ted?

Been trying to get the cats' nails clipped all by myself.
Slowly, slowly, we are getting there, and I am becoming a human pincushion.
Eh, I think this means no low necklines for a while.

**********


Dangnabbit, stop sneezing!

Pip doesn't like it when I sneeze, she'll tell me off.
She mumbles, grumbles and whines quietly after each sneeze.
Glaring in my direction so it's very clear who's not in her good graces.


The Look of Deathly Annoyance

Nothing new, she's been doing this since she was a kitten.
Stuck up little thing, the Pipperina Princess.

Will reply to comments in a bit.
Thank you for commenting, I always like to know who's out there reading this here fine blog.

++UPDATE: Ooh, now I'm not allowed to cough either. The Princess holds very strong views about etiquette.++


CatDonna

SOME DUMB CAT PEED IN THE KITCHEN SINK

the husband thinks it's prolly cos Pip wasn't allowed near the litter trays by the Boonie and Lucie Bully Duo

I AM SO MAD
aargh arggh aaaarrrrgggghhhhhhh

THAT IS IT
i am going to TAKE A DUMP
in their WATER BOWL

Wuh?

Pip:

#1: Snuggled up on my shoulder while I was working on the computer, then chewed off a chunk of my hair about the size of my pinky and swallowed it. Had to hunt her down and force-feed her a generous dollop of Laxatone to make sure there wouldn't be any hairball digestion problems later.

#2: Was discovered sitting at the end of the bed, eyes popping out their sockets, STARING SO HARD at the husband and self having some bedtime fun, her head swivelling excitedly from the Man to the Woman to the Man to the Woman etc to make sure she wasn't missing out on ANY of the action. (Very unnerving.)


If you saw these eyes staring at you naked, you'd freak out too

#3: Waged Armageddon against Boonie the Force of Tabby Blackness. Managed to overturn the study in a matter of minutes. And I don't know how Pip manages to scream so loud for so long. Operatic performance troupes have something to learn from this shrieky little cat.


Pip on high alert. Notice the front right paw...


Pip parades the spoils of war - Boonie's fur in a claw

#4: Is nuzzling on my lap all curled up as I type this, purring sweet and low, looking for all the world like she wouldn't hurt a fly.


Awww

CatDonna