CatDonna's Cats

On 31 March, a strange and awesome thing happened in the laundry basket. Inspector Pip was investigating some stinky clothing inside when all of a sudden, she popped two aliens! Like in a space alien movie! I think she didn't know what happened, either!

I am Chief Inspector Teddy and I must find out how these little aliens came to us. Pip calls them her Piplets. I think they have made her crazy.

I hope they won't eat us. That would be so scary! Let me think about that. Mommy says I look so beautiful when I think. I don't understand why she always giggles uncontrollably and hums the Twilight Zone theme after she says that.


Quiet: Thinking In Progress

... Okay. I've thought about it. I think I'm right. It would be very... scary.

That means I have to consult the Oracle of the WiseBox.


The Oracle knows all

I bet you don't know who the Oracle is! The Oracle is my friend. He lives in the WiseBox. He looks like a white little cat claw or arrow and he dances on the screen. I love to watch him dance. Next time you see the Oracle, tell him Teddy said hi and he'll dance for you too.

I asked Who are the Piplets? Will they eat us?
And the Oracle *in a soft breathy voice* answered Neo, you are the One!
I said Oh Oracle you are very clever! Could you explain your answer? And who is Neo?
The Oracle replied Oh got your name mixed up there. Sorry.

See? The Oracle even knows he made a mistake. THE ORACLE KNOWS ALL!

Suddenly a voice spoke. "You MORON!!! The Oracle's only a CURSOR!!! You've been fooled by the Catrix!!!"



*gasp*!!! It was the maverick Lucie Trinity, better known as Lucinity! She suddenly appeared, crouching over the WiseBox, and glared at me. I was so scared!

Lucinity and I then engaged in a battle of sharp wits! I must admit, I was a little nervous...

Lucie: What battle of sharp wits? More like ONE WIT and ONE TWIT!
Me: Umm, erm, I'm so glad to have this opportunity -
Lucie: Shuddup! I'm not interested. So. You wanna know the truth?
Me: Oh oh oh... I'm so excited I'm afraid I'll wet -
Lucie: *weary sigh* Red pill or blue pill?
Me: I know the answer!!! The answer is I only eat kibble usually, but when Mommy's free -
Lucie: AARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!! *vanishes*
Me: ... and on weekends sometimes, we get wet food, and then once in a while, Mommy changes the brand of kibble, and I like to crunch the... Where did she go?

Oh shucks. I was about to impress Lucinity with my favourite conversation topic. I thought it was going so well?


Teddy's 3-week-old inner kitten: sad

Then I was so sad! Sad that everyone bullies me and thinks I'm fat and stupid! Even Mommy won't teach me to open the can and use the spoon to scoop out the lovely wet food... *sob* I'm so hurt!!! WAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Then a gentle low voice behind me spoke: "You struggle to overcome the spoon, in order that you may eat your wet food. But. Neo. There is no spoon!"

It was Doe-pheus!!!!!!!!!!!!


"I have faith in you. You are the One!"

His words greatly encouraged me. Yes, I shall overcome all obstacles and solve the case of the Piplets!!! All I have to do is close my eyes and concentrate...


Like so

... and I'll find out the answer by myself! So I closed my eyes and:



When I woke up I felt MUCH better.

Off I went to see the Architect, and perhaps ask him some questions.

I found him hiding behind a folded quilt.


Hello there

"Architect Boonie!" I said. "I have evidence that you were with Pip soon before she popped her Piplets. Care to examine this photograph?"


Caught!

Boonie's deep golden eyes widened at Chief Inspector Teddy's new-found confidence!!! So he decided to cooperate. Woot!

"Actually, I don't know much, but Pip did mention an old quarrel with her arch-nemesis, Chocolate..."

BANG!!! WHAM!!! SCRATCH!!! BITE!!! HISS!!! MEOWWWW!!!!

Speak of the devil's kitty cat! Just as Boonie mentioned her devious name, Chocolate "The Terrible" Krachowski leapt out of nowhere and launched a surprise attack!!!



I fought back!!! Finally I managed to subdue the wily Chocolate Tart.


Chocolate defeated

"Very well! I'll confess!" Choc growled, her ears flattened with annoyance. "The Piplets were my creation! It was I who carried out a scientific research expurriment on Pip.

"Using high-risk technologies, I tried to combine Pip's DNA with another cat's to create a super kitty. I wanted a cat with Pip's cunning and with great furry cuteness, who could join me as a partner in crime to set up dens of feline vice, full of drugged mice and catnip tea and hot sweet kitty love.

"I have succeeded! Now all I have to do is kidnap the Piplets and I can begin to groom them! We shall be known as the Krachowski Sisters! Heh heh heh..."

Grudgingly, I admitted that it was a good plan. "But whose DNA did you mix with Pip's to create this fearsome cat?"

Choc looked at me with mock innocence in her large, soulful eyes.



"Why, yours of course." She replied.

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!


"I can't believe this is happening"

"It's really very easy you know. You eat and sleep so much, all I had to do was wait until you were full and in deep sleep before I could extract your DNA samples," Choc continued with the calm of a seasoned criminal.

Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. Mommy will never love me again. She'll kick me out the house to eat scraps from the rubbish chute.

No more soft beds! No more kibble! *sniffle* I want to cry!!!

But surprisingly, Chocolate took pity on me and decided to help me out. Umm, she taught me to tell this story:


"Uh oh, I think I'm going to be framed"

You see, I was sterilised two months ago so it can't be me, right? And Boonie's not sterilised yet so it's got to be him, right? RIGHT!!!

Like Choc says, I must persuade Mommy to be logical about this, and not simply to trust her own gut feel or what she sees.

Therefore, after my thorough investigation, I conclude that the culprit responsible for the Piplets is Boonie!!!

Chief Inspector Teddy

**********

The woman replies:

Oh I really don't know... I mean, a picture's worth a thousand words and, you know, your coat patterns ARE kinda similar...


You get a sense of deja vu looking at their very unique stripes...

VERSUS


If you squint, you can see the same tabby patterns down the spine and fanning out the sides

VERSUS


He looks like the odd one out, actually

What do YOU think???


CatDonna