CatDonna's Cats

Late last night while the woman was asleep, Teddy fell in a slim gap between the kitchen cabinet and the wall. We tried to get him out, but it was like trying to haul a camel through the needle of an eye... I mean walk an eye through the camel of a needle...? Ok whatever thxbyeyowza.


Teddy perches on the kitchen door while I rest on the
Cabinet of Teddy's Disastrous Undoing

We had no choice but to wait for the woman to wake up this morning, and what is it about humans and their weak bodies and their desperate need for at least eight hours' rest? We catnap, short and sweet, and if you disturb our rest one iota, BAM, we're wide awake and giving you the evil eye. (Of a needle.)


"Ooo, washing machine, me likey"

So first we sent in the big guns: Doe and Boonie jumped up on the bed once the alarm went, and Boonie sat on the woman's tummy while Doe gently paw-slapped her face. Problem is, they do this everyday so the woman was unable to sense the extra urgency.


Heroic Doe, bleary-eyed after a fruitless
early morning wake-up call

This left Lucie and me, so we buried the hatchet for about twenty seconds and played cat charades with the woman.


"Dam' ye Pip, 'twas mine idea!"

As usual in the mornings, Lucie stood at the door of the bathroom while the woman brushed her teeth, but this time I was there too. (Nowadays I disdain morning formalities and sleep in the laundry room.) And instead of hissing and screaming at each other as we normally do, Lucie and I merely stared at the woman in a really freaky manner.


How does one remove Chocolate from one's clothing?

To make the point really clear that something was wrong, I refrained from giving my princess commands and quietly followed the woman everywhere she went.

Submissive, moi? The woman started wising up and went into the kitchen/cat room. Chocolate and Polly had done their bit in the litter trays. The trays were filled with bounties of what the woman calls Nervy Kitty Bombs - you see, when cats are nervous or unhappy, our poop changes in colour, texture and most of all, smelllllllll.


P*lly: the generous donor of smelly shits prefers to
remain anonymous

Then the woman started calling for Teddy and heard him crying behind the false back of the kitchen cabinet.


Teddy re-enacts the horror of that dark night

Several frantic dashes around, phone calls made and sixty-five dollars later, the woman got some guy to cut a hole in the back of the cabinet and let Teddy out. The poor thing. He was covered in sawdust and looked like he'd aged overnight. And he'd cried so much all morning his voice was hoarse.

Teddy spent the rest of the day treated like a prince - kept in the study with his own kibble and water, lots of cuddles and love from the woman, and even we were nicer to him.


"It was terrible... terrible"

Us cats were relieved Teddy was freed from his cramped dungeon.
I mean, imagine if he died. The stench. Far better to keep the little omega alive, don't you think?

I was generous with my rewards: no picking fights with the other cats for one afternoon, and I even condescended to sleep on the woman's lap for an hour.
(Don't let her tell you otherwise.)


"Oh, don't... you make me shy... am I as great as you say?"


("Mooore!!!")

Moral of the story: Teamwork, led by a strong and capable leader such as the mine self, can achieve great things.
Although I'm pretty sure I could have done it all by myself. Just that I'm too smart to. Useless pussies need me to boss 'em around!



All Hail The Me!
Princess Pip

ps - The woman wants me to try and not make out everything to be about the mine self. Do I??? Anyway to prove how awesomely humble I am...


Happy endings for all