Friday, December 15, 2006
A Letter to the AVA
Attn: AVA Singapore
Dear Sir or Madam,
Cat Abuser-cum-Blogger, kuro.shiro.neko
I refer to the above evil cat lady and a recent post on her infamous blog of kitty perversion.
In the post, she proudly shows off a new "acquisition" - a "black cat" called "Shadow".
(Yes, I really like to use "open inverted commas".)
Sir or Madam, I have sufficient circumstantial evidence to believe that "Shadow" the "black cat" is really not a "black cat".
For a long time, she has made her ravenous lust for black cats very clear to everyone. Even her blog title, kuro.shiro.neko, means "Black White Cat" in Japanese.
ksn and I have had a longstanding rivalry. We both have desired black cats (although my desires are immaculately pure compared to hers) and I believe that, in order to spite me, ksn:
- Catnapped a dirty white street cat
- Spray-painted him black
- And when he ran after her in utter humiliation, begging for the paint to be removed, she cruelly mocked him by naming him Shadow
In a gesture of defiance, ksn deliberately put down her modus operandi as the title of her blog, to brag about the depths of her callous actions.
Dear Sir or Madam, when ksn is around, the black cats are not really black.
I wish to provide some background information, Sir or Madam, on the nefarious kuro.shiro.neko (alias ksn although her underworld colleagues affectionately call her kns).
Her blog is notorious for its photographic and video depictions of pussycat p0rn. Her latest p0rnographic post featured an incestuous kitty threesome forced to lick each other to the soundtrack of Jewel In The Palace.
I suspect some torture must have been implemented to make the poor cats submit to her twisted fantasies.
I also suspect that this is how she earns income on the side: selling her kitties' humiliating orgies to fetish p0rn markets in China, Korea and Japan. (You know how big Dae Jang Geum is over there. Heck, my husband is Welsh and he loves it too.)
Her flimsy alibis for how she earns an extra bit of cash are lies, all lies.
Finally, I wish to inform you that another two Singapore cat bloggers have mysteriously stopped blogging after they mistakenly revealed that they once fostered black cats. I fear that ksn, driven insane by irrational jealousy, may have done something to them.
For your information, I am now going to contact the Internal Security Department (ISD) to enquire if they have witness/whistleblower protection programmes.
ksn is a hardened criminal to be feared. She's even getting a tattoo, so you know she must be some bigshot gangster.
Earlier tonight, when I informed her of my righteous intentions to expose her dark deeds to the AVA, ksn replied by sms: "I dun expect anything less frm u, pip's mum!!" I think she is threatening me - she expects me to expose her, and she will take revenge. Not only on me, but on my cat Pip.
Because Pip is a real tuxedo cat - a true kuro.shiro.neko - and ksn goes insane whenever she sees tuxedo cats, you see. To her, all cats must be totally black or white, preferably black.
Thank you for your time. I am now going to book an appointment for extensive plastic surgery for myself and Pip. With ksn, one thing is sure: take no chances.
Best regards, CatDonna
~ Mama Piggy
jennifer: What! You too?! I think I've uncovered a syndicate.
cat_aunty: I almost panicked and deleted your comment! Don't you know what you posted can be very damaging when used against me in court? CID if you're reading this, it's not meant to be literal! Really! *wipes sweat from brow*
mama piggy: Glad to know that you have recovered from your operation to remove the parang fragments after your last showdown with... *ahem*... uhh, nothing. Polly and Teddy say thank you for your compliment, and they will teach you their gang song so you can contact them in case of future... *koff*nevermind.
CatDonna, Mom almost believed this post! Fur givin her a heart attack, please asplain what a "void deck" is. We've nefur been sure.
"Void deck" is the empty space found on the ground floor (or "1st floor" in western countries) of an apartment block. The space is created for residents' use, e.g. for weddings, and even funeral / wake. Hope this helps.
victor: Did your mum really? Sorry, poor mum! :) Should have added a disclaimer. I hope you were good and reassured her. :P
I shall keep a close watch on all my kitties for the next few days. No one gets "con-fur-ted" around here!
I was about to explain what a void deck was, but...
auntie p: thanks for the favour! I've always wondered why we didn't just call the void deck an "open-air lift lobby", "leisure space" or something else.
When I read void deck I keep thinking empty ship.
Arrrr, me mateys!
Void Deck makes Mom fink of Star Trek.