Friday, December 15, 2006

A Letter to the AVA

Attn: AVA Singapore

Dear Sir or Madam,

Cat Abuser-cum-Blogger, kuro.shiro.neko

I refer to the above evil cat lady and a recent post on her infamous blog of kitty perversion.

In the post, she proudly shows off a new "acquisition" - a "black cat" called "Shadow".
(Yes, I really like to use "open inverted commas".)

Sir or Madam, I have sufficient circumstantial evidence to believe that "Shadow" the "black cat" is really not a "black cat".
For a long time, she has made her ravenous lust for black cats very clear to everyone. Even her blog title, kuro.shiro.neko, means "Black White Cat" in Japanese.

ksn and I have had a longstanding rivalry. We both have desired black cats (although my desires are immaculately pure compared to hers) and I believe that, in order to spite me, ksn:

- Catnapped a dirty white street cat

- Spray-painted him black

- And when he ran after her in utter humiliation, begging for the paint to be removed, she cruelly mocked him by naming him Shadow

In a gesture of defiance, ksn deliberately put down her modus operandi as the title of her blog, to brag about the depths of her callous actions.

Dear Sir or Madam, when ksn is around, the black cats are not really black.

I wish to provide some background information, Sir or Madam, on the nefarious kuro.shiro.neko (alias ksn although her underworld colleagues affectionately call her kns).

Her blog is notorious for its photographic and video depictions of pussycat p0rn. Her latest p0rnographic post featured an incestuous kitty threesome forced to lick each other to the soundtrack of Jewel In The Palace.
I suspect some torture must have been implemented to make the poor cats submit to her twisted fantasies.

I also suspect that this is how she earns income on the side: selling her kitties' humiliating orgies to fetish p0rn markets in China, Korea and Japan. (You know how big Dae Jang Geum is over there. Heck, my husband is Welsh and he loves it too.)
Her flimsy alibis for how she earns an extra bit of cash are lies, all lies.

Finally, I wish to inform you that another two Singapore cat bloggers have mysteriously stopped blogging after they mistakenly revealed that they once fostered black cats. I fear that ksn, driven insane by irrational jealousy, may have done something to them.


For your information, I am now going to contact the Internal Security Department (ISD) to enquire if they have witness/whistleblower protection programmes.

ksn is a hardened criminal to be feared. She's even getting a tattoo, so you know she must be some bigshot gangster.

Earlier tonight, when I informed her of my righteous intentions to expose her dark deeds to the AVA, ksn replied by sms: "I dun expect anything less frm u, pip's mum!!" I think she is threatening me - she expects me to expose her, and she will take revenge. Not only on me, but on my cat Pip.

Because Pip is a real tuxedo cat - a true kuro.shiro.neko - and ksn goes insane whenever she sees tuxedo cats, you see. To her, all cats must be totally black or white, preferably black.

Thank you for your time. I am now going to book an appointment for extensive plastic surgery for myself and Pip. With ksn, one thing is sure: take no chances.

Best regards, CatDonna

buahahaha.. you make me laugh, pip's mum!

na-na-na-na-na, i've-got-a-black-cat!
hmm..i also got one black cat... if u want to think she may be 'sprayed', she did have one white whisker and bit of white fur all over her body... if u look far, she is a true black cat..look near, she looked like she is been dyed..ha...
Ahhhhhh Catdonna you killed me! Now I have internal injury from laughing too hard!
You are a HOOT, CatDonna!!! But hey, the motley crew at KMM are no fight for your gangsta duo of Polly and Teddy.

~ Mama Piggy
ksn: Your laugh sends shivers down my spine. Be warned that I have already contacted the ISD and they are keeping you under surveillance!

jennifer: What! You too?! I think I've uncovered a syndicate.

cat_aunty: I almost panicked and deleted your comment! Don't you know what you posted can be very damaging when used against me in court? CID if you're reading this, it's not meant to be literal! Really! *wipes sweat from brow*

mama piggy: Glad to know that you have recovered from your operation to remove the parang fragments after your last showdown with... *ahem*... uhh, nothing. Polly and Teddy say thank you for your compliment, and they will teach you their gang song so you can contact them in case of future... *koff*nevermind.
A good one...hehehe....
CatDonna, do you know that your blog is one of the very few I can comment in. I suspect the others switched to the beta version to prevent me from commenting. I think there is an evil plot going on.
Indeed there is an evil plot, I couldn't sign in earlier to leave a comment!! I have switched to blogger beta. But now I can. What the #$%@??
Oh, Pip! Look out! If Cat Donna is right, KSN will be lookin fur black an white cats she can convert! Confurt? Choc, I fink yur safe.

CatDonna, Mom almost believed this post! Fur givin her a heart attack, please asplain what a "void deck" is. We've nefur been sure.
so guys, you are having problem with beta? but i can comment in kxbc and mama piggy's blogs leh...

Dear Victor

"Void deck" is the empty space found on the ground floor (or "1st floor" in western countries) of an apartment block. The space is created for residents' use, e.g. for weddings, and even funeral / wake. Hope this helps.
kxbc, kmm and ksn: I think they're still ironing them bugs (ugh, sounds gross) out of the beta, which is one of the reasons why I'm still dragging my feet to switch the blog.

victor: Did your mum really? Sorry, poor mum! :) Should have added a disclaimer. I hope you were good and reassured her. :P
I shall keep a close watch on all my kitties for the next few days. No one gets "con-fur-ted" around here!

I was about to explain what a void deck was, but...

auntie p: thanks for the favour! I've always wondered why we didn't just call the void deck an "open-air lift lobby", "leisure space" or something else.

When I read void deck I keep thinking empty ship.
Arrrr, me mateys!
Fanks fur asplainin! We kinda figured that's what a void deck is, but we fink of decks as elevated (or the walkin surface on a boat). We weren't sure if they's on top, unner, or around the buildings.
Void Deck makes Mom fink of Star Trek.
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