Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The Woman Is Useless At Updating So Here I Am

Hello my darlings, this is Pip from a very long time ago. I'm sorry you haven't heard from me for so long, and it's been all up to the woman's feeble paws and dull intellect to type something out once in a while, which as I notice she HASN'T been doing lately... so let's get to it shall we?

I mean, all this nonsense about "looking out for the right job opportunities" and "part-time private tuition"... ppffftt.

PRIORITIES, where are your PRIORITIES, WOMAN?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!!

Anyway I'm back, after giving birth to one lovely bouncing boy kitten called Hazel and one wriggly shrivelled runty thing that the woman insisted on saving... still, he was a dear in the end. Whatever his name was.

Stop glaring Polly, of course I know his name... Fever? Fibre?

That one's been adopted and now it's just darling Hazel and the I... I've lost all my post-pregnancy weight, I know you'll all hate me for saying this but I DON'T CARE, I actually do think I'm slimmer and sexier than before I had the pesky babies.

Family portrait. I was already slimmer than Teddy by then. Although to be honest, that's not difficult.

Kind of like Victoria Beckham, you know, how she looked like a Pekingese before her babies and like a praying mantis after. A glamorous skinny tanned toned praying mantis.

Oh I'm sure you'll be hearing from me more often from now on!

Hazel: Mummy, sometimes I'm sad. Why do the cats not like me?
Pip: Well Hazelmydarling, it's all very simple...

... They're jealous of your big pink nose, annoying quacky voice, and general bad attitude. All the more you should look down on them, those inferior kitties scurrying around...

... Even the humans; you look 'em in the eye! Don't hate us cos we're beautiful, it won't help your looks for sure!

Speaking of Hazel, my darling pride and joy, he's becoming quite a pain in the @$$ nowadays. Hazel is now slightly over four months old and he's almost as large as I am... he's been gaining weight recently and he looks rather hefty now.

Hazel's Giant Paw

Size-wise I think he's taking after his father, but PURRAISE THE LORD his personality is very like mine. Terrible! Even I can't stand him myself, sometimes.

Hazel still tries to suckle but these days when he tries, I give a few well-aimed kicks to his dear little head. The woman feels sorry for the boy but I've got to wean him, right? Try cat teeth and sandpaper tongue on your nipples, moron.

Hazel tries to go for the milk...

... and is knocked out cold by one of Pip's kicks

Unfortunately Hazel's also got a new nickname now. The people call him Ducky. Hazel hardly meows because that's the patronising sound we make to humans only, a kind of loud and slowly enunciated "Heyyyy youuuu... feed me/ clean the box/ outta my face/ etc".

Hazel, being aloof and stuck up, doesn't really like to deal with humans so much. He only really talks to me... and well, the nutty little love, he... quacks.

The woman is trying to get a videocam to record this embarrassing idiosyncracy for posterity. Quack quack quack.

Hey, don't look at me. It's likely the father's side of the family. Probably some very stupid, watered-down Persian gene.

Anyway, don't tell anyone I told you this, because DuckyoopsImeanHazel is up for adoption next month and the woman is concerned about his chances. He's cute as a button, but whoever would want such a wacky, quacky little thing?

The woman's here. I have to go. I'm supposed to be asleep. More beauty rest for the moi.
Ciao, beautifuls.


Dear Pip, you should blog more often...hee hee!

I love the look on Polly's face. ;)
Dear Princess Pipperina, we had missed you so much! Especially your saucy wit. Glad to hear the family is well
auntie p: thanks for the encouragement! I always say I should blog more because I am CLEARLY the most articulate member of this blasted household. And yes, Polly has a gift for glaring.

BTW nice new blog template you've got, but wouldn't popped mice be better than popcorn?

cat_aunty: Missed you too! I've been so busy sleeping and beating Lucie up, it's only recently that I've begun catching up with the blogs again. Good to know you're fine, and if Spencer scratches you again, let me have a word...
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