Monday, March 13, 2006
Detective Pip and the Case of the Suffocated Penguin [Part 2]
I brought the grovelling gangster back to the police headquarters to educate him on the finer points of interrogation.
However, just as Boonie was about to reveal the deadly truth about the murdered Bad Badtz Maru, a flash of lightning kaboomied the interrogation room!
[Police Chief Teddy: But there's no such word as "kaboomied"!
Inspector Pip: Yes there is. Check the dictionary! Unless *wicked grin* you can't read...
P. C. Teddy: *awkwardly shuffles through the dictionary, stops at "N", squints uncertainly* Umm, why yes, you're right. Here it is. Sorry.]
Where was I... a flash of lightning! Using her special kungfu skills, Lucie "Lightning" Luckystar appeared in the room! Tearfully she embraced her sniffling brother and cried, "Spare him! I'll tell you everything!"
Inspector Pip's gamble flushes out the REAL criminal!
[The left, Chief. Not the right.]
And this was Lucie's account of events...
"Lately, the Penguin had been getting on some nerves in the underworld. Various assassins were dispatched to end Maru's miserable life. However, the blood prize of ten thousand cans of sardines proved too much for the assassins' greed.
Catfight for sardine!
"The assassins began to kill each other off, and this mayhem ended with the victory of the V.I.P.E.R. Death Squad. Drunk Hobo Doe was a casualty in this battle; actually he was a freelance assassin and his street name was DoeDoe, as in 'dead as a dodo'.
Dead as a DoeDoe, indeed
"The V.I.P.E.R.'s then proceeded with PROJECT KILL [The One With A] BILL, which, unfortunately for the penguin, was gruesome and very much a success. That's all."
The murder in an abandoned warehouse...
The disposal on a remote hill
I pondered this a while. The V.I.P.E.R. Death Squad was a formidable force to deal with, but there was one burning question I needed to ask.
"Lu, I'll let you off if you can tell me honestly... who killed DoeDoe the freelance assassin?"
"I can't say because even I am afraid of her. But Poison is her name and poison is her game..." And with that, Lucie grabbed Boonie and they both kungfu-whooshed out of the room.
[C. P. Teddy: But there's no such word...
Insp. Pip: Calm down, chief. Here's some canned possum and peas in jelly.
C. P. Teddy: Thank you, that's very kind. Mmmm.]
I thought very long and hard. Then the answer came, and the tears sprung to my eyes. For Doe was actually an undercover agent and a sweet brother of mine.
Doe's fatal assignment: tailing Polly, head of the V.I.P.E.R's
He had been killed by a perverse poisoner whose name was synonymous with a substance highly lethal to cats and dogs... By a vainglorious vamp who then went on to kill Maru and split 10,000 cans of cold hard sardine... His murderer, my enemy... is CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!
"Bite me, Inspector!"
I have solved the case but that's not enough!
ONE DAY I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE!!! I'LL RIP CHOC'S PERFECT TAIL OUT AND MAKE HER EAT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Inspector C. Pip [C is for CLEVER]
And thus concludes yet another exciting tale from Inspector C. Pip's Archives, or Yet Another Reason Why Pip Hates Chocolate. Well actually they don't hate each other, I'm just making all this up. I think.
PS. I lurrrve your kitties!
Thank you for your kind words of appreciation! :D
The idea was totally mine. I give some small credit to the woman for typing as I dictated, and for yelling at Blogger as I napped.
cat_aunty: All you need to know is that Choc is a traitor to all!
GK: She's nasty. Like I always say, never trust a beautiful tabby lady.
Housekeeper: Hrrmph! I know who you are and where you live. My secret agents are stationed outside your door to meow, wee and poop at inconvenient times and to chart your inevitable descent into madness. *evil laugh*
Remember, what you write here can be used against you in court! And when Teddy is Police Chief AND Presiding Judge, you're in trouble!!! Bwahahahahahhahaha!!!!!!!